The government is always right

Courtesy of Yahoo! Health

Well, we can finally relax, ladies and gentlemen. Since the U.S. government deemed the American people too stupid to understand the old (misguided) food pyramid, they spent $2 million of our money to develop an easier-to-understand (misguided) logo to show us how to eat. Yep, the (insert drum roll here) My Plate is finally here. Goodness, I feel slimmer and healthier already. Not.


 Let's say that I eat the Typical American Diet (TAD). Using My Plate, I would have peas, corn, or potatoes as my veg, fruit canned in syrup, bread or white rice as grains, and a nice, juicy piece of breaded, fried-in-canola-oil chicken. My dairy serving would be chocolate milk. Yum, yum. Meanwhile, my arteries would clog, my insulin would spike, and my Magic 8-Ball would read, "Yo! Diabetes!"


Now, let's assume that I am a health-conscious person. I would have broccoli, no butter, or salad, with low- or non-fat dressing, a sliced apple, brown rice, no butter, and a skinless chicken breast cooked with no fat. My dairy serving would be a blob of low- or non-fat cottage cheese. Yum, yum? Meanwhile, my arteries would clog, my insulin would spike, and my Magic 8-Ball would read, "Yo! Diabetes!"


 How is this possible? I am doing everything that the government is telling me to, and goodness, the government is always right. Right? Hello? (cricket, cricket)


No, the government is not always right. In the face of 150 years of evidence showing that a low-carb, high-fat  way of eating (WOE) keeps insulin levels normal, diabetes at bay, and heart disease down, what does it do? Push a higher-carb, low-fat WOE, of course. And the American public keeps getting sicker and fatter.


Let's look at My Plate using a healthier WOE: My veg would be broccoli dripping with butter, cauliflower with cheese sauce, or Brussels sprouts with bacon. Fruit would only be there about once a week, and as a dessert. Blueberries with cream and Splenda would be my choice. Grains wouldn't even be on the plate, since I want to keep my insulin levels low to prevent fat storage. My protein would be my version of chicken-fried steak, or a juicy, fatty steak, or a greasy burger with all of the low-carb fixings, sans the bun.  What would be the result? Less hunger, low insulin levels, a happy brain, a humming liver, and a longer, healthier life.


And one very pissed-off government. Priceless.


The Bionic Broad out.