Fluffin' annoyed and over-full

I am trying my best to be calm, cool, and collected, and to say what I have to say with grace, dignity, and poise. 


Aw, to heck with it. In the words of one of my favorite You Tube guys, I'm fluffin' pissed.


After a three-hour round-trip to see my bariatric surgeon, here is what I have learned:


1. Some (unethical) surgeons, who feel that they lose money on Lap-band fill visits, will sometimes fill the Band too full, too quickly, to cut down on patient follow-up visits. Case in point: Guess how many CCs my 11-CC Lap-band had in it? Give up? 11 CCs. After only 3 fills. Should have been 8 - 10 visits, with fills done 1 CC at a time. No wonder I couldn't swallow well or eat solid food without many things getting "stuck." My former surgeon lied to me by telling me that I had 7 CCs in my Band.


2. When protein becomes inedible (see #1), the Lap-band patient often turns to high-calorie soft foods, which supply too many calories for the metabolism. Deprived of protein, the body turns to quick sources of glucose by breaking down muscle tissue. This, in turn, only lowers the metabolism more. Hence, increased porkiness. 


3. My HMO (Kaiser) doesn't put IN Lap-bands anymore. They take them out. I am praying that years of a maniacally too-tight Band haven't left me with too much damaged stomach tissue, or too much scar tissue, to do a revision to a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG). The surgeon told me that, no matter how disciplined or motivated his patients are, every single one has gained back their weight after having the Lap-band taken out. Every. One.


4. With a too-tight Band, not only does the top part of the stomach dilate, but the esophagus ultimately becomes like a small stomach, with food stretching it, backing up into it, and ROTTING in it. If the thought of that doesn't give you the heebie-jeebies, nothing will. My upper GI distinctly showed the Barium I drank being "refluxed" back into the esophagus. My new surgeon told me that, at night, it's not unusual for Lap-band patients to aspirate (breathe in) the rotting food. It adds a new meaning to the phrase "morning breath," yes?


So, what does this all mean? I am scheduled for surgery on December 14th, and I won't know if I'm having a one-step surgery (removal of Lap-band, revision to a VSG) or two-step (removal of Lap-band, VSG in a year or so, when the stomach heals) until the surgeon takes a look inside. As a side note, he might also take out my gall bladder, because I have a calcified gall stone the size of a jaw breaker that showed up on an X-ray. 


I had NO post-op education on how to eat with a Lap-band, NO decent follow-up with fills, and an almost total lack of support from my (non-Kaiser) former surgeon. This new gentleman is going to be a very different doc.


There are three things that I am going to ask of my wonderful readers, all 12 of you:


1. Please pray that I am able to have the one-step procedure. The more weight I gain in that year of waiting will only complicate the revision even more.
2. Every time you see a "Get thin!" commercial or advertisement, touting the Lap-band as something desirable, please let loose with a resounding razzzzzzberry. Those ads are seducing the obese into squandered money and, possibly, their health.
3. Last, but not least, PLEASE, if you have any friends who are contemplating the Band, have them do some very careful research. When I had mine, five years ago, there wasn't as much information available as there is now. Please advise them to be very cautious, and ask a gazillion questions, as in failure rate, their doctor's fill process, etc. 


In the meantime, I am on three protein drinks a day, until the 14th, so pity my Best Half and Youngest Son, who have to deal with my crankiness. Hoo, boy.


The Bionic Broad out.